Midnight Occurrence
by v o i c e l e s s- f r e a k
Summary: Night after night, it's always the same. He sneaks into the room of someone who was once called his comrade, and commits those despicable acts, caught up in the belief that this is some kind of sick, one-sided love. Laven, Rape, Lemon. Poetry form. OOC.
1. Chapter 1

**Touch**

It's that moment of trust that turns on you  
And becomes something dangerous  
And scary

Hands are put on either side of you.  
And you glance over to the door.

Locked.

Now there's no escape at all.

The heart inside of you beats rapidly, picking up speed.  
Body becomes weak.  
Vulnerable.

Limbs begin to tremble uncontrollably  
And you take in a breath, finally realizing what's about to happen.

Right then and there, you suddenly feel cornered...frightened.  
It's just you two.  
Alone.

"Stop, what are you...-?"

"I'm not going to stop."

Pressure, pressure, pressure, pressure.

And then you're trapped, held into place by forceful hands.  
You beg and beg but it doesn't seem as if he hears you.

"Th-...this isn't like you...you wouldn't do this...!"

"You don't know me."

Stripped of everything, including confidence, pride, and dignity.

_I think you know what happens next._

Screams fill the night, only to be silenced by those forceful...yet  
gentle hands.

And somehow those screams are hushed,  
frightened away by human desire,  
and kneaded into something...  
unwanted.

_You're enjoying this._

When it's all over, you lie there next to the person you once  
admired  
respected  
loved.

"I thought...I thought you were my friend...I really thought-"

"I'm sorry."

And before the door closes  
A soft voice whispers  
"I love you."

**So how was it? Hate it? Love it? Please review and share you thoughts. I know this isn't your everyday average layout for a story, but that's why it's called poetry. The inspiration I got for this story was actually consisted of many Laven and Yullen fan fictions, not by personal experiences. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and please review! This is my first -Man story! **

**This will be updated very soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

**You**

I can see you.  
I can watch you.

I will memorize you.

Your smell, your touch, you voice.

I will take it all in,  
let it burn into my mind,  
soak into my veins.

I love it.

The way you walk  
smile  
touch  
scream  
cry  
call my name.

Call my name that is not a name.

Just one more night.  
I swear this is the last time.  
Or so I said.

I can't lie to myself anymore.

I need you.  
I need to hear you  
I need to hear you call out my name  
Your nails digging into my back  
Beads of sweats falling from your forehead  
Those sweet sounds escaping your pale lips

And then some words are too lovely,  
Too beautiful to be read.

And I will know them all.  
I can replay the scene over and over and over again  
It will never cease to pleasure the mind.  
Fill it up with such a forbidden, poisonous, addictive drug.

I will memorize you.

That skin, that pale, soft skin.  
That hair, those pure, white locks.

I will memorize you.

One eye isn't enough to take in all of the beauty.

**I really like this chapter, because it emphasizes the greed and obsession Lavi feels toward Allen. And by the first chapter, Lavi seems like he's doing it for his own self gain, but he's also doing it for another reason as well. This reason shall be revealed later on! By the way, as you might have noticed, the chapters switch points of views. This is just to see what is going on in their minds as these events occur. **

**Thanks for reading! Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Control**

It's not the nighttime you dread,  
it's the morning after.

Not because your body is sore  
or because the sheets are filthy.

But because of the guilty  
evidence.

The evidence  
is all there.

Not only visible to the human eye,  
but to the eye that does not exist.

You can feel this evidence  
within yourself.

And after that morning realization,  
the evidence is tucked away in the back of your mind.

You get up, like it's any other day,  
shower  
get dressed  
clean the sheets  
and wait.

You hesitate because you need time.  
Time to collect yourself.

And then slowly, reluctantly,  
you open the door and it shuts soundlessly behind you.

There you go,  
heading down to see your friends  
putting on that troubled smile  
that is so obliviously obvious.

It's a pleading cry.

"Help me."

**I want to thank all of my reviewers for the kind words! It really keeps me going. Honestly, I love writing this way so much. It's something I'm good at because if ever I try to write a regular story, I sometimes lack detail. So anyways, thanks for reading and remember to review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Need**

"He looks a little down today," a feminine voice points out.

No shit.  
He makes it a bit too noticeable  
even if he doesn't mean it...

What happened to those lively silver eyes?  
Enthusiastic, cheerful smile?  
Optimistic attitude?

I'd love to know,  
because right now,  
he looks dead.

"Good morning Lenalee," he says with a grin.

And then he stops to stare at me.  
He shudders.

"Good morning Lavi..."

I couldn't stop myself from grinning at the effects I have on him.  
I couldn't stop myself from being disgusted at the effects he has on me.

He sits,  
as far from me  
as possible.

We all converse lightly, eating our breakfast.  
The morning was full of nervous laughs,  
because we all knew something was going on.

Well...only two of us knew the real story.

I could read him easily  
almost as if he is just another book I must study. 

Disgust  
because of the twisting pain in his grin.

Sickness  
because of the way he forced down all of his food.

Nausea  
because of how I knew he would regurgitate any minute now.

This angered me to such an extent...  
He doesn't know that I suffer as well.

I hope you know how much I have to go through for you.

How much I sacrifice for you.  
How much I change for you.  
How much I die for you.

I just need to see, need to know  
if you need me like I need you.

Because, my dear, I need you.

I don't care what anyone says. What I do is right.

The truth is, you don't know me. No one does.  
The only one who knows me is myself.  
But what if I don't know myself?  
What if I'm a stranger?

How would you react...  
if I stopped speaking to you?  
What effect does it have on you?

Do you hurt like I hurt?  
Do I make you go insane?

You need me. And that's the truth. You need me.  
Don't argue... don't disagree.

Without me, you're nothing. You're empty.

You're lonely and broken.

And that's the truth.

I love it when you're suffering.

See, you don't know me.

So don't say you do.

You need me.  
I am your crutch,  
you backbone,  
your life.

Or... is it the other way around?

**This chapter was longer than the others. I personally thought the beginning was a bit dull, but it gradually got better. I hope you guys understood the message in this chapter. If you didn't, I'll explain it right now: Lavi is confused about what it feels like to be loved romantically, so he somehow gets himself into thinking that Allen needs him and will go insane without him, when it's just the other way around. Lavi is the one who needs Allen. It's kind of twisted and hard to understand; even I have trouble understanding my own thoughts. **

**Anyways, thank you for reading! Please review!**

**This chapter is dedicated to a certain someone.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Again**

How long has this been going on?  
I can't seem to remember.

Weeks?  
Months?

I start to wonder how many people will start to figure it out.  
Have I changed at all...from that first day?

Can you see?

On every assignment I've been given,  
I can feel myself grow weaker,  
growing more empty.

"Allen, please tell me what's wrong."

"Baka Moyashi. What the hell has been up with you?"

"Your mission performance has been a bit off lately..."

He walks slowly into the room  
But I quickly run out.  
He paints the moon white.  
But I paint it black.

He goes left.  
While I stay right.  
He moves on.  
I stay right here.

"Stop trying so hard to act all happy all the time. It pisses me off."

Eat something.

"Then you can be yourself again."

It doesn't work that way.

"Eat something."  
But I can't  
I'm sorry.  
Forgive me.  
It's not your fault.

You liar.  
Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar.

It's okay, though.  
It can't get much worse.

_Eat something, please._

Please wake me up from this nightmare.  
When will I wake up?  
Hello?

Please  
wake  
me  
up  
soon.

This is becoming unbearable.

**This chapter shows how people are starting to notice the changes that have been happening to Allen, like how he's eating less and less, his missions have been completed very poorly, he hasn't been as happy as he usually is, etc. And then it gets so bad that Allen even convinces himself that it isn't real, that it's all a dream...**

**Thanks for reading! Please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Fracture**

Darling, we're falling down  
Darling, we're losing ourselves.

At least I am.

What are you doing? Are you enjoying yourself?

I hope you drown.

I love you, darling. I love you so much.

I hope you suffer.

Can you feel what I feel? Do you hear what I hear?

I hope it eats you up.

If you don't want to be with me, all you have to do is say so.  
If you think I'm annoying, all you have to do is speak up.

If you don't love me  
then please  
don't say it.

Look at me, hold me, pull me in, kiss me, talk to me, touch me.

But whatever you do,  
Don't love me.

Where are you?  
I can't hear your voice anymore.  
Please don't torture me in this way.  
Don't give me something to hold onto.  
I love you, and I promise not to live without you.  
Because you are so worth it.

Tell me a secret, but tell me a lie.  
Tell me a story, but make it short.  
Tell me to stop, but say it brutally.

Glare at me, squeeze me, push me, hit me, choke me, kill me.

But whatever you do,  
please love me.

**Chapter explanation: Allen has been avoiding Lavi to the point that he even locks his door at night and doesn't even come out of his room to talk to anyone at all. Without Allen, Lavi feels unloved and he is slowly losing himself.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hold**

It happened too fast for me to comprehend.  
Too fast for me to even grasp.

My worst fear,  
alive.

"You have a new assignment with Lavi."

I should have kept that mask on,  
and said "Understood."

But this time...

Horror was struck upon my features.  
There was this long, heart stopping pause.  
A sigh escaped my lips.

Not a sigh of relief, but a sigh of fear.  
All I could really do was nod.

"You will leave at eight tomorrow morning."

I had to leave before I vomited.  
The oxygen in the room was disintegrating.

But before I left, I turned around and look at the Chinese man dead in the eye.

"Komui..."

"Yes, Allen?"

Hesitation.

"Did...Did Lavi request for this mission?"

"Yes, he did. Why do you ask?"

That's when I ran.

**As you can see, the story is finally coming to a start. I'm sorry if the plot line seems random to any of you. This was actually how it was supposed to be from the start. The beginning six chapters were necessary to give readers an outlook of what was going on. Thank you for reading.**

**Please review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Wonder**

The train ride was far from pleasant.  
In fact, pleasant wasn't even in the distance.

The tension's deathly hands  
wrapped around our necks  
suffocating us.

His body gestures suggested  
that any minute now  
I'd pounce.

How can I fix this...?

"So Allen..."

"Please don't talk to me."

Don't pretend like I'm the bad guy here.  
We both know the truth.

"Heh, well we're going to have to talk if we're going to complete this mis-"

"Why, Lavi? Why did you have to request this assignment? Do you hate me that much? Did the nights not _satisfy_ you enough?"

I honestly had no idea what he was talking about.

"Hate you...?"

He stood up, furious.

"Yeah, that's right Lavi! Hate! Why else would you do..._that_ to me? God, how much more can you take?"

"Allen! The reason I wanted to go on this mission was so I could just be with you!"

"Don't give me that bull crap. The only reason you wanted to go on a mission is so you can have your way with me whenever you want... Well, you know what, Lavi?"

He turned away in tears.

"I-if sex is what you want...then I'll give it to you...just please don't force me."

Force.

Force.

Force...

"I'm _forcing_ you?"

I grabbed him.  
I shoved him.

"If I'm forcing you, then who the hell was the one who was enjoying it the whole time, huh? Don't pretend like you didn't. And now it's like you're some unwanted whore coming back for a second round."

_Slam.  
_Yes, that was the door.

I didn't know someone could run that fast.

But I guess...  
he's good at running.

Always running...

Always hard to catch

Always out of your reach

Always out in the far distance.

Like the bright stars in the night sky.

**Whoa, drama. Finally, it's turning into a real story! I didn't want to add all that much dialogue but umm... yeah.  
****  
I want to thank all of my wonderful reviewers! I apologize if I haven't replied to any of you! I usually do, but I've just been very busy these last weeks of summers. I'm trying to enjoy it before I go into High school.**

**Please review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Truth**

Hours passed before I finally gathered the courage to go back into the cabin.

I snuck in quietly,  
hoping he'd be asleep.

Wrong.

It was as if  
he were waiting for me.

Right.

When I entered,  
he stood up.

"Allen."

I hoped he couldn't tell  
I'd been crying.

Wrong.

He noticed almost  
instantly.

"You were crying..."

What kind of response did he expect?  
Yes Lavi, I was definitely crying over you  
because I'm a good for nothing  
weakling  
who lets emotions  
get in the way  
of life.

And now what?  
What is he going to do?  
Patronize me for it?  
Laugh in my face?  
Beat me to a pulp?

Wrong.

He took me into his arms.  
Something he's never done.

"God, Allen...I'm so sorry."

I melted instantly.  
Why, you ask?

Why would I show affection  
and such weakness  
to the man  
who...

Makes my life a living hell?  
Who makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin?  
Who breaks every brick wall separating me from the world?  
Who appears to have no feelings whatsoever towards my wellbeing?

Simple.

I love him.

**God, I love this chapter. I love the ending of it. See, this whole story is pretty much about how Allen loves Lavi even after all of the horrible things he's done to him. It's a very strange relationship if you ask me. It's odd because they are both seeking love, but two completely different types of love. Lavi's love is obsession and desire, when Allen's love is comfort and understanding. It will most likely get even stranger later on.  
And also...there's this grammer mistake in chapter two that keeps peeving me. It's not my fault though. The chapter itself was perfect but for some reason when I updated, the 'r' wasn't there. When I saw it, I said in exact words, "Fack."**


	10. Chapter 10

**Feel**

By the time we arrived at our destination,  
it was already nighttime.

We checked into a hotel,  
tiredly made our way to the room,  
and lie down on our beds.

"Man, am I beat."

"Same."

There was a hint of distrust in his voice as he spoke to me.

"Hey Allen...about what happened on the train..."

"It's okay. Just forget it."

There was a hint of concern in his eyes as he looked at me.

I couldn't  
and never will  
forget.

"No. Listen to me."

I shot up from the bed,  
and walked to him.

Fear was reflected off of those gray eyes.  
He backed up.

Taking him into my arms,  
I could finally feel him.

He was there.  
He was real.

He couldn't escape,  
couldn't reject,  
couldn't deny.

He wasn't running  
I could finally reach him.

"There are times when I feel as if one day you're going to disappear from my life... as if, in the blink of an eye, you'll vanish completely... Please just let me hold onto you for a little while longer. I need to know this is real."

And hearing his heart race made it all the better.

This is Allen Walker.  
This is the boy I  
fear  
love  
hate  
want  
need  
crave  
desire  
loathe  
forget  
disgust  
remember.

He is mine,  
my fallen star.

And yet,  
he still manages to shine the brightest  
out of all of the stars  
that are still alive.

**I am quite satisfied with this chapter. The rough draft was atrocious! I'm so glad I took the time to change it. If I hadn't, it would have been pointless dialogue. Things would have been quite tedious.**

**I'm so happy that a lot more people started to read the story. I'm getting a lot of reviews too. It makes me very happy.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Gone**

Days had passed with an ongoing routine

Destroying, saving, searching.  
Finding nothing.

I always caught myself trembling  
once the sun went down.

But for some unexplainable reason,  
I was always alone.

The bed next to me remained empty  
until I woke up.

It began with "I'm going out."  
To...no reason at all.

The first night  
I was scared  
when he didn't come back.

The second night  
I was lonely  
and I felt deserted.

The third night  
I was crying  
hoping he'd come back.

The fourth night  
I was searching  
everywhere and anywhere.

Walking down the dark hallways of the hotel,  
I stumbled upon a stairway.

Where will I be led?

"Lavi?" I called out.

I made my way through he darkness, not caring where it led,  
as long as it took me to the one I love, I'd be fine.

At last, the stairway came to an end.  
A door stood bravely in my way.

Reaching out, I pushed open this wall,  
crashing myself into a cool night.

The face I saw was all too familiar.  
An emerald eye pierced through my being.

"Lavi."

"Allen."

The surprise reflected off his eye perfectly.  
I loved the way it looked on him.

"How did you know I was up here?"

No response.

"I thought you'd be asleep by now, Allen..."

No response.

"Are you okay? Did you need me for something?"

What I need is you.

All of you.

With me.

Forever.

"What are you doing on the roof?" I asked.

He grinned sheepishly  
and looked toward the cloudy night sky.

"Stargazing."

Funny.  
There were no stars  
They were covered up  
By the clouds.

"I like it up here..."

He sounded so lost  
in his own thoughts.

So hypnotized by  
a force, unknown.

"Allen. C'mere."

Like a dog obedient to its master,  
I obeyed Lavi's command.

I don't regret doing so  
in the least.

Because...

His arms draped loosely around my waist  
And I was pulled close.

My mind was screaming

Kiss me

Kiss me

Please

I want you

Take me

I love you

Love me

Please

Make me yours

Once again.

Kill me.

This hurts so badly.

**I apologize for the wait, And I also apologize for the oddness of this chapter. I know a lot of people are wondering why Allen is so needy for Lavi even though Allen's a rape victim... Well, it's hard to explain so it will be explained eventually. **

**I consider this chapter to be kind of like a filler. There are two chapters I want to add so badly, it's not even funny. But unfortunately I can't do it too quickly or it will seem rushed. I need to add a lot of drama/angst and what not. So there will be about twenty chapters. After this story is complete, I will begin a Yullen/Laven story that will not be in poetry form. **

**Squadela! I'm off!**

**Review...or else.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Forever**

Allen.

You used to be a voice.  
Heard, but never touched.  
Feared, but always unscathed.  
Loved, but kept at a far distance.  
Silenced, but only to a certain extent.

Allen.

You used to be a clown.  
Forever hiding your true face.  
Cowering behind a pathetic smile.  
Never letting a single soul touch you,  
Surviving by pleasing the lives of others.

Allen.

You used to be a flame.  
And everyone else, kerosene.  
The problem is, if you get too close,  
you will most definitely... get burned.  
You're warm, comforting, mesmerizing.

I want to show you the world.  
I want to take you by the hand,  
and show you something worthwhile.

One night, I watch you as you sleep.  
Wanting to know  
wanting to memorize  
the devils that visit you.

Tomorrow we will leave.  
The mission was a failure.

And then...  
things will go back to normal.

Can I make it up to you?  
Can I show you one last night of bliss?  
This will be my one and only chance to reach you.

I'd say it's time.

**Alright, that's the end of chapter twelve! I enjoyed this chapter a lot. I am fond of using metaphors and such. The next chapter is something I've worked very hard on, and it's been sitting in my computer for a few weeks, and sitting inside of a notebook for almost a year. **

**Please review! **


	13. Chapter 13

**Flight**

"Come on, I want to show you something."

It was a nice night, a calm night.  
There had never been a time I had felt so whole.  
It was a familiar feeling, though.  
I missed it, and I longed for it.  
And that sky, that beautiful sky...

The stars will never shine this bright ever again.  
The moon, like a spotlight, illuminated this darkness.

Take my hand.  
Lead me somewhere new.  
Guide me through the dark halls.

I felt bliss. Complete bliss.

"I want you to see it."

Free me from that  
suffocating grasp.

Let me fly.

It reminded me of happier days.  
I remember it so clearly,  
like a black and white film  
replaying in my mind over  
and over again.

Say something silly  
and make me laugh.

Listen to me when I'm speaking.

Make it seem happy  
and perfect.

Help me fall in love all over again.

I couldn't decide whether to gaze up into the stars,  
or look into that single, emerald eye.

I'm in love, I told myself.  
We lie there on the roof for so long...in peace.

This is how I like it.

This is how I wanted it.

I needed a guaranteed promise.

I needed something to hold onto.

I just never had the courage to say it.

I didn't want to accept the fact that...  
happiness was temporary.

That soon, it will only be a dim light  
A memory.

"That one," he said suddenly.

I stared at him, and then realized that he was pointing to the sky.  
I tried to see where he was pointing, but I was all too confused.

"Huh?" I asked.

He sat up, held my hand,  
and pointed to the sky once more.

"I decided that one is it. That's our star. Right there."

I shifted my gaze again,  
and found at last which one he meant.

"Why that one?" I asked quietly.

He smiled at me and pulled me close.

"Because it shines the brightest."

Fly.  
Fly.

And soar.  
Soar.  
Let the wind guide you.

It feels free.  
And safe, so safe.

But altogether,  
we are only human.  
We cannot fly.  
We are caged.  
We are dead.

We are dead birds.

**A confusing and odd chapter, I am aware. **

**Please review!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Guard**

As we boarded the train,  
I noticed his changes.

There he goes yet again,  
with that nervous laugh.

I grinned inwardly.

Do I intimidate him?

"What's the matter?  
I asked.

What's with the hard eyes?  
Come on now. Don't be mad.

"Do you think I'm stupid?  
A smirk snuck upon his features.

"Do you really think I'm going to fall for your bullshit?"  
A unfamiliarly crooked laugh escaped his lips.

"Do you honestly expect me to trust you after everything you've done?"  
He was grinning, but his eyes reflected something else.

"I know it's all an act, Lavi."

At that, I  
was speechless.

A part of me  
knew what he was saying  
was the truth.

Another part,  
was screaming something  
quite the opposite.

**Hey everyone! Did you miss me? I'm sorry for going missing for a while. I've been procrastinating a lot and I feel really bad about it, so I decided to finally finish this chapter. I know it wasn't worth the long wait, but no worries because I'll be updating a few new chapters this week.  
Again, I'm really sorry for the wait. A part of it was because I had to be hospitalized for a full week, and then a week was taken to work on all of the make-up work that had to be completed. High school is quite difficult, huh? **

**Anyways, thanks for reading! Please review!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Angels**

Coming home was nothing short of  
a relief.

First

Stepping off the train,  
walking closer and closer  
to the place my family resides.

Second

Reporting to the chief  
of the failure of our mission,  
laced with apologies and jittery hands.

Third

Walking back to my room,  
unaware of the dark presence  
tailing me, only a few yards away.

Fourth

Being shoved into my room,  
stunned by the sudden movement,  
and pinned against a wall in this dark place.

Fifth

Hearing a horrifyingly familiar  
voice whisper calmly and smoothly,  
"Hush, now...Lower your voice a little bit."

Sixth

Feeling a skilled mouth work its way up  
my neck, making sure to bite sensitive areas  
that no one other than the owner knows the best.

Seventh

Struggling against the rough caresses  
of the person pinning me against their touch,  
and trying not to moan into the hungry kiss he gave.

Eight

Whimpering, desperately keeping still  
as my hips were thrusted into, the friction  
making me want so much more than just this.

Ninth

"Lavi, stop...! Lavi, _please _stop."  
Why is he behaving like this? So gentle?  
Why isn't he hurting me...like he usually does?

Tenth

But fuck.  
This feels so good.  
But at the same time...

"Lavi, _STOP!_"

I shoved him away,  
panting,  
face flushed.

"I don't want this!"

He grins,  
brushes some hair out of his  
gorgeous face.

"It sure looked like you did  
a few seconds ago."

Embarrassed and furious,  
I yell in rage,

"Just stay the hell away from me!"

Sudden knocking disturbs the tension  
and thick fury humidifying the room.  
"Allen? What's all the noise about?"

He sighs,  
grabs my wrist,  
pulls me close.

"Just remember this, Allen: You're already mine."

With that, he  
takes his leave.

Instantly, a concerned girl  
makes her entrance.

She stares off at the boy leaving,  
then back at me.

"What's going on, Allen?"  
She says, turning on the light.

"Lenalee..."

It suddenly struck me  
that the only way to make it stop  
is not by myself, but with the help of another.

There was no way  
I could have fought him with words  
or even a second chance of something, like love.

I have to tell her.

A secret  
that can affect every beautiful thing I possess.

A sorrow  
that can only be shouldered by one

Shall now be shouldered by one more.

"Lenalee... there's something I need to tell you."

**Cliffhanger? ...Or not?**

**Please review!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Always**

I could still taste him on my lips.

The sweetest of all pleasures,  
most addicting of all drugs,  
loveliest of all people.

I want him.

I could still smell him in my lungs.

The prettiest of all scents,  
most toxic of all poisons,  
supreme of all beings.

I want him.

I grew impatient of waiting and waiting.

Just when I thought she left the room already,  
I see her walking down the hall,  
paled and a bit disturbed.

She stops when she sees me,  
anger flashes through her eyes.

I've never seen such hostility  
within her violet eyes.

"You _sick_ bastard!"

A kick to the face is all it takes  
for me to tumble over in shock.

"How dare you even _touch_ him? You're _disgusting!_"

She continues with her beating.  
She screams perfect insults.  
Tears flood those pretty eyes.

She goes on, until an unexpected savior appears,  
one with long, raven hair and a really sour attitude.

"Hey! _Hey!_ What the hell are you doing? Quit it!"

He holds her back, while she kicks like a wild animal.

"Let me go, Kanda!"

Even though I knew exactly what this was about,  
I asked the question anyways.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

She released herself from her captive,  
and stared me down.

"Allen told me everything.  
Don't even deny it, you  
damn animal..."

I stared at her, and then at him.

Sick,  
Disgusting,  
Animal?

I couldn't hear their conversation over the sound  
of my own thoughts. Too loud.

I couldn't hear their footsteps walking over  
and down toward **his** room.

The only thing I could hear  
was her words, repeating in my memory.

How could you do this to me?  
Why now, after we've come so far?  
Why couldn't you have done it at the very beginning?

Maybe I just love to break you.  
That's all I can really do.  
That's all I'm good for.  
Breaking people.

Allen, you're right.  
I am just like everyone else,  
a destroyer.

So I'll keep you waiting,  
forever and ever.

You're a hopeless romantic.  
Living on love.  
Breathing it.

I'll keep you forever.

If you really knew me,  
you'd be able to hear  
the glass hearts  
shattering.

I'll have you forever.

Your memory,  
a scar on my skin.

Now I'll never forget.

Never.

You try to convince me  
with sweet embraces  
and tender kisses.

Haven't I ever told you I cannot feel?


	17. Chapter 17

**Confess**

The slam of the door opening startled me half to death.

I quickly looked up from the dusty floor  
to the cold, cobalt eyes of an Asian man.

"Kanda...?"

"Tell me what the fuck is going on, Moyashi."

I didn't even have it in me  
to yell at him for calling me  
that ridiculous nickname.

"What do you mean?"

"You know damn well what I mean.  
What did that baka usagi do to you?"

"Where's Lenalee?"

"Now  
she's in her room.  
Crying."

I didn't like where this was going.  
I also didn't like being in my room  
alone with another male,  
physically stronger than me,  
taller, older, and well built,  
not to mention  
the intimidating blackness  
in his eyes.

"It's nothing, really."

As if I would ever want you to know.  
You, of all people, should never know.  
Why ever in the world would I want  
you to see this weakness?

"Like I'm going to believe that bullshit."

"Please leave."

Apparently this angered him further.  
Because he marched forward,  
and grabbed me by the collar of my shirt,  
unaware of my speeding heart  
and sweaty palms.

"Tell me. _Now_."

And for a moment  
just a moment  
his eyes looked green  
and his frown was a smirk.

If only you heard

the scream

that ripped through

my throat.


	18. Chapter 18

**Open**

Too much time.

Time to think  
about something  
you just can't forget.

Sick  
disgusting  
animal.

Why did she say that?  
Why did she...?

What did I do to deserve those words?

Sick  
disgusting  
animal.

Sick, she said.  
I don't believe I am sick in any way.

Disgusting, she screamed.  
Was it something I said? Did?

Animal, she claimed.  
The last time I checked, I was human.

Sick  
disgusting  
animal.

She came to my room once more,  
exclaiming her thoughts toward me.

"What you're doing is just...totally _wrong_!  
We all trusted you, Lavi! I had no idea  
you capable of something so...so...""

Wrong,  
wrong  
wrong.

It's not wrong.  
It's not...  
It's...

"_Stop... what are you...-?"_

"_I'm not going to stop._

Sick.

"_Th...this isn't like you...you wouldn't do this..."_

"_You don't know me. _

Disgusting.

"_I thought...I thought you were my friend...I really thought..."_

"_I'm sorry."_

Animal.

And just like that  
opinions change,  
eyes are opened,  
thoughts are scattered,  
memories fly by,  
and a voice whispers

_Stop._

He told me to stop.  
He cried because of me.  
He didn't want any of that.  
He just wanted to be left alone.

"What have I done..."


	19. Chapter 19

**Monster**

"DON'T TOUCH ME! GET AWAY FROM ME!"

Touch.

I know how that feels.  
To be filthy,  
touched by a hurt stained hand.

A hand belonging to a person,  
a monster.

A monster with claws  
that steal you away  
into the dark.

Claws  
that rip into your flesh,  
rips to pieces,  
takes away your heart.

They pin you down,  
tear you up  
hold you still

No matter how many times  
you beg  
for it

To stop.

Then, the monster grins,  
flashing razor sharp blades of teeth,  
fangs that enjoy the feel of skin.

Fangs  
that graze along the back of your neck,  
daring to break skin...  
threatening to sink down.

Deeper,  
deeper,  
deeper.

And then those eyes...  
So soft, so somewhat human..

Do you have no shame?

I forever search your eyes...  
treading left and right  
for some hint

Of pain.

**Just an FYI, because of Allen's sudden outburst, he was forced to also tell Kanda was had happened. Lenalee and Kanda are the only ones who know about it so far. And yes, Lavi has realized what he had done was wrong. **

**Please review!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Record**

I wanted to remember everything  
down to the last detail.

All the joys, all the pain.  
Tracing over old scars.  
Making new ones.

I wanted to remember everything.  
So why can't I remember at all...?

Faces, never names.

Who are you?  
What is your name?

I only see your face.

I despise how sometimes  
the lines are blurred.  
Memories become a false,  
imaginary dream world.

It is a lie.

Why are you rejecting this life?  
I can't bring myself to remember.

Outside we are silent.  
But inside we are screaming.

They tell me it's not my fault.  
They tell me they're not disgusted.

All I wanted was for you to love me.  
I wondered what this felt like.

Just love me.

I once cherished these memories.  
Like a happy dream, the vision embraces me.

But somewhere it went wrong.

My mind is rejecting you,  
you foolish memory.

You are unloved.  
I don't want you,  
but I need you.

Forgive me,  
Allen.

**Jeez Emily, stop procrastinating... Just because chapter twenty was originally short, choppy, and horrible doesn't mean you can go missing for three weeks without an update... Anger. And wow, you chose a random poem in your notebook to replace the crappiness of the original chapter. THIS IS UNEXCUSEABLE. **

"**Shut up! The readers won't know that!" **

**Furthermore, I apologize! **


	21. Chapter 21

**Search**

*******LEMON WARNING  
When the '*' pops up  
the lemon is starting,  
when you see it again,  
that's when it's ended.**

Weeks passed, and although I received time to recover by myself,  
I still wanted to see **him.**

He was on my mind all of the time.  
Not a minute passed when I didn't  
see his face in my fractured mind.

I wanted, so badly, for him to just  
hold me like that one night,  
under the star lit sky  
with no one else but  
the bright gaze  
of the stars.

I didn't even know why  
but I dreamt of his lips  
upon mine, in a clash of  
light to dark, loved to lover.

I would do anything, anything at all  
to see his perfect face  
and run my fingers  
through that  
messy hair.

I need to feel his soft hands on me,  
enjoying the feel of my small curves  
exploring to places that I would gladly  
allow entrance to, unlike times before.

I remember waking up daily  
with the vivid memory  
of his lips on mine,  
all over me.

It soon occurred to me  
that I craved him more  
that he ever craved me.

I get up out of bed,  
damp, showered hair undone,  
and went on a search for my one and only.

_Knock, knock, knock._

The door opens.

*****"A-Allen?"

That's when I pounce,  
knocking us both to the floor,  
hands pulling at red, tousled hair,  
and legs wrapped around a slim waist.

I attacked him with affection.  
I shocked him with a lustful kiss,  
so hungry for something more than life.

Face flushed, I pull away.

"Allen...what's gotten into you?"

I ignored him completely,  
and continued with my ministrations.

I ran my hands all over him,  
bit up his neck as if my life depended on it.

"Allen, stop... This isn't right."

I shut him up with another kiss,  
biting his lip in the process,  
tasting that metallic substance  
that is Lavi.

"Ngh, Allen, really... You're not thinking straight..."

"Lavi," I whispered.  
"Please... I know what I want,  
and what I want is you. I need  
you Lavi. Please just take me..."

"Allen, I-"

He hissed as I forced us to touch.  
I felt something quite familiar press  
against me, giving me the hint that he  
is enjoying every second of this.

I moaned his name as I moved again.  
This time, I felt his hands help me out,  
gripping me from behind and pushing  
my needy body back and forth to his.

We were both lost in the sweet friction.

Swiftly, he stole a kiss from me,  
then lifted me off the cold floor  
and let me fall onto the bed.

"Lavi..." I whined at the loss of his touch.

"Spread your legs..." he asked.

I instantly did so,  
giving him full access to anything he desired.

Tonight, I was his  
and I didn't give a damn about pride, or the past.

Before making any movement toward me,  
his eyes studied my body. And I shivered,  
just because the feel of his eyes on me,  
memorizing me,  
unfolding me,  
makes me  
so naked.

He settled himself between my wide open legs,  
and let his right hand wander downward.

I plead,  
red hot fire  
burning within.

That was all it took for clothes to be removed,  
and bare bodies to be pressed up against  
one another in the heat of the moment.

His hands caressed me carefully,  
about to prepare me for the pain  
that is bound to brought during.

"No,"  
I stopped him,  
"Want it now..."

And so, he obliged.

And as he moved in me,  
I knew something else was forming,  
something unknown... to either of us.

I gladly accepted  
everything he had  
to offer me.

The pain, the pleasure,  
the lust, the love,  
the worry, the words.*****

And when it's over,  
we lie there, breathless,  
tangled up in each other's presence.

Agonizing minutes pass  
before we finally let  
the dark take us.

**YOU PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA HOW HESITANT I WAS TO PUT UP THIS CHAPTER. I had to edit out a lot of the sexual content so it can stay rated T. Though, it would have been very amusing to share what Allen said... Mmm, dirty.**

**PLEASE READ**

**I understand that many, or more like, most of you are confused, especially after this chapter. Try to be a bit patient in finding out the reasons why these events are occurring. I would really not want people to be thinking that Allen is a two-faced whore. (Lawlz?) Just give it some time!**

**Neah: "Allen...you hoe!"**

**Allen: "You're the one who's always inside of me!"**

**Neah: "...Touché. ;D" **

**Please review!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Never**

In this maze of a mind,  
I've come to find  
that I am lost.

Say it, tell me.  
I'll accept it.

"Why come back to me...  
after all that I've done?  
Please...just answer me."

He blinks twice.  
Innocent, silver  
eyes shining bright  
in this sun flooded  
room.

"It's _because_ of  
all you've done."

Something scary, something hurtful  
was squeezing at my insides...  
Terror, go back to sleep.  
A fear resurfaced, visible to me.  
Am I that glasslike?

"I refuse to feel  
such numb and  
empty emotions.  
I _let _this go on...  
because I know,  
deep inside, that  
you're the only one  
who could possibly  
hurt me this much.  
I... wanted to feel  
the hurt you had  
to offer. And that's  
why...

That's why we're perfect  
for each other. You can't  
feel, can you? Or should  
I say...you're not aloud  
to feel. And because of  
that, you conceal how  
you truly feel. Under  
the surface...you're  
only human, yet it's  
unreachable...  
That's the  
reason it  
had to  
be you."

**He knew.**  
He knew I couldn't feel.  
The only part I don't understand...

is why we're so similar.

"We had to seek each other out."

He leaps off the bed,  
stretches his lovely limbs,  
pulls on wrinkled clothing,  
and starts toward the door.

"You're a very confused person, Lavi.  
I really think you need some help."

Then, he

Leaves.


	23. Chapter 23

**Secret**

My own words tasted bitter in my mouth.

The taste was like acid,  
burning to the touch,  
disintegrating  
exposed  
flesh.

How long will I have to wait?

Days and days,  
then weeks, then months.

I try to keep myself occupied.  
That way, the memories can't  
haunt my clouded thoughts.

Mission after mission,  
solos mostly,  
keep me busy,  
on edge.

And when I'm "home",  
my "family" treats me  
quite a bit differently.

Colors change shades,  
so unfamiliar.

Cobalt.

Such sharpness you used to possess.  
I see it softening, color fading.  
Threaten me.

Emerald.

Warm sensations become cold...cautious.  
Why are you hiding your concern?  
Hate me.

Crimson.

Oh, what a missed hue. Bleeding from the portrait.  
I want to see you. Come back...  
Complete me.

I search far and wide  
up and down  
left and right  
for a trace of you.

All I find are your  
fading footsteps.

I found myself wandering the building at night.  
Gazing at the stars through bloodshot eyes,  
hoping to miraculously become whole again

The roof became, to me, a second bedroom.

Alone time isn't fun  
when you have the  
sick desire to hurt.

In fact, alone time  
can rot the mind,  
make you suffer.

I learned this the hard way  
as I pulled at my own hair  
and dug my nails into my  
skin, trying to breathe in  
the absent abuse that I  
missed so much.

_Destroy me..._

I came to see that the only person who could help me  
was the one who broke me in the first place.

Learning this,  
I cried until  
my throat bled.


	24. Chapter 24

**Cosmos**

Exactly how many times  
have I found you here?

A couple? A few? Dozens?

Exactly how many days  
have passed since that moment?

In my opinion, far too many.

Just give me a second,  
yet another chance,  
to decode you.

You sing quietly to yourself  
in a voice that even angels  
would envy.

The same song every time,  
foreign words rolling perfectly  
off your pretty tongue.

"_**Soshite bouya wa nemuri ni tsuita  
ikizuku hai no naka no honoo, hitotsu, futatsu to  
ukabu fukurami itoshii yokogao  
daichi ni taruru ikusen no yume, yume..."**_

The song,  
one I know that  
saved all of us...  
unfamiliar to me,  
but the language,  
I know far too well.

"_**Gin no hitomi no yuragu yoru ni  
umare ochita kagayaku omae, ikuoku no toshitsuki ga  
ikutsu inori wo tsuchi e kaesshitemo..."**_

How, I wondered, could you sing something  
this beautifully, and without giving  
much effort in the least?  
Purely, angelic.

"_**Watashi wa inori tsuzukeru  
douka konoko ni ai wo  
tsunaida te ni kisu wo  
Watashi wa inori tsuzukeru  
douka konoko ni ai wo..."**_

Every note you hit  
draws me even closer.

Midnight, darling.  
Your solemn hour.

Your time,  
given to put on a show,  
a show only for the stars to see.

You sing to each star...  
even though they might as well

Already be dead.

"_Tsunaida te ni kisu wo..."_

**The song Allen was singing was originally supposed to be Lala's lullaby, but I decided against it for whatever reason. (Maybe I will change it later on.) Haha, I just noticed it's been a while since my last update. Don't worry though, I will hurry and wrap up this story within a few weeks. I have many story requests from friends and what not. I also plan to write a Neah x Allen one of these days. Odd pairing, ne?**

**This chapter is dedicated to ****Terra1298****! ...She added this story to her story alerts, and then I later realized that she was my friend from school! Irony. And check out her stories also, if you get the chance!**

_**BY THE WAY!**_**Guess what, everyone? I have over 100 reviews! I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart! Since I'm feeling super happy, I've decided to write a special story in dedication to my 100****th**** reviewer, ****jeanelle02****! I have no clue what it will be about yet, but...I'll think of something eventually!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Reach**

Dreams  
of the ungranted nature  
grab me by the arms  
and snap them backwards.

**X**

Cool, crisp autumn air breezed pathways into the night sky,  
only to be fended off by stronger winds.

And then, there was the moon.  
Nothing more, nothing less  
than a bigger-than-life mirror.  
A queen of the night.

A ghost from my past once taught me,

"It's like a mirror.  
The light you see  
is just a reflection.  
The moon is dark,  
so it uses the sun's  
light."

So...  
in other words,

The moon is engulfed by blackness.

If I could at least touch the moonlight,  
I'd be able to touch the sunlight also.

Secondhand embraces  
are what I'd kill for.

If I can't feel the sun,  
and if I can't reach the stars,  
I might as well be the moon instead.

That way, I can feel your warmth.  
I can still be close,  
but not close enough to burn.

The moon...  
It's the closest thing  
to the sun than anything else.

Lavi...

Will you be my sun?

**X**

**To Tasia, because our love is much too cliché to be considered normal.**

**Review or I will be quite sad. (I don't get that many reviews anymore. D:)**


	26. Chapter 26

**Tomorrow**

**Warning: **...Just prepare yourself.

Why, I asked myself.  
Why do you continually do the same thing?

Stargazing.

I stealthily watch you from the shadows.  
The roof's ledge proves itself to be your  
favorite seat.

You remain still.

I want to call out to you badly.  
You're so close to me...but  
I can't touch you.

I question myself silently, wanted to know how long I've been watching you  
and realize it has been months.

Why are you up here, Allen?

It's cold.  
It's windy.  
It's numbing.  
It's suffocating.

Moonlight pours itself onto your  
delicate features.

And you breathe in deeply.

For the first time  
in all of the nights I've watched you...  
tears flood down your cheeks,  
onto your neck and clothing.

But no sobs,  
no hollers,  
no cries.

You stand up on the ledge.

And face forward.

For a minute,  
I think I've been caught,  
but...

You outstretch you trembling arms  
toward the sky.

Hands circling the moon.  
Reaching, reaching reaching.  
You shiver in fear, terror.

Grasping in desperation.  
Reaching to the unreachable.

The sight stuns me.

In an instant,  
in a second,  
everything disappeared.

The will in your eyes seems to fade.  
Surrdender, you either give up  
or give in.

You know somewhere inside  
you'll never be able to reach it.  
Useless.

You smile, close your eyes...

And then you fell.


	27. Chapter 27

**Kerosene**

"NO!"

It's okay, I'm okay.  
It's not your fault, Lavi.  
There was nothing you could do.

YOU COULD HAVE SAVED ME.

My fall takes me down,  
I feel a sickening thrill.  
Terror, and a bursting beating.  
I reach out, grabbing nothing.

I suddenly know what's happening.

Like that one night,  
that first night.

You're trapped.

Like that one hand,  
that first touch.

It won't let you go.

And that one nightmare,  
the one that came true.  
A fear, so solid and thick,  
it's real, it's real, it's...

Monster.

Monster, save me.  
I see you crying,  
whispers like screams.

Screams like thunderstorms.

I screamed.  
"Save me...  
SAVE ME!"

Destroy me,  
destroy me.

Warmth,  
a sudden bliss.  
A content feel.  
Eyes closed, a dream.

And then the fall was broken...

By the concrete.

**X**


	28. Chapter 28

**Requiem**

By the time dawn broke through the night,  
I was already exhausted by the chaos of it all.

Too many people.  
Cry, and then cry again.

Dirty looks,  
screams and questions.

I suppose "shock" was an understatement  
to the disturbing, truthful words I had bared.

I only spoke the truth,  
please believe me.

I didn't want to look.  
I didn't want to see  
the damage.

I'm a wreck.

Through the crowd surrounding his broken body,  
I saw what I'd hoped never to stain such a pure soul.

Oh, the color.  
The hue haunted.  
Blood.

But we made a promise.  
To reach them together.

Now my stars are turning red.

Stomach screaming "nausea",  
I turned away,  
bent over,  
and puked.

It wasn't as horrifying as it may have seemed.  
I just hated myself for everything, for causing it.

**X**

_Allen is not dead._

I had to cry just to express the joy.  
The happiness... I didn't lose you.

You're still here.

I'm still here.

We're still here.

Just sitting there  
beside the hospital bed,  
knowing you're breathing...

Oh god, Allen.

Thank god.

As battered as you are,  
you're still alive and well.

Still breathing.

Even if you were to be standing before me in pieces,  
I'd gladly pick up each individual shard,  
let the cuts make me bleed,  
you're still here.

I'll put you back together.

**X**

"It's a miracle that the fall didn't kill him.  
It was his Innocence that saved him.  
I guess either he, or the innocence itself  
activated and took most of the damage.  
He's still left with serious injuries, but...  
he made it out okay."

I stare up at the man for a moment.  
Seeing the delights, yet also seeing  
the doubt in his eyes.

"There's something...  
you're not telling me."

He sighs.

"The impact of the fall...  
might lead to some serious brain disorders.  
We're not quite sure how severe it is yet.  
It could either affect his behavior, memory, ability to move,  
anything of the sort, truthfully."

"...He won't be able to...to... And...he-"

He nods.

**X**

Forget me, Allen.  
Forget me, please.

**I didn't kill him. Hah. I remember posting chapter 26 thinking, "they're all going to hate me!" Hopefully you all love me again, ne? I'm sorry if I haven't been able to reply to everyone's reviews! I'll try very hard to! Winter break is coming, which means the story will be finished soon! I have the ending planned out and everything. After this is finished, I will most definitely post the story that goes to all of my reviewers. There's also a chance I'll put up a Christmas/Allen's birthday story as well.**

**This chapter goes to the large mass of Allen Walker's who I have added on facebook. And the Howard Link, and of course the Yu Walker Kanda who is indeed "cool". I can honestly say I love you people!**

**Review!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Decay**

Somewhere along the broken lines of virtue,  
I lost myself.

Giving into fishnet sins,  
I convince myself that  
I will be forgiven.

I am your creator,  
I build a sphere.

I give you a name,  
I hand you a face.

A face, smiles carved in,  
laughter like wrathful screams.

A piece of myself, I let you take.  
You will live on it... you doll.

I have this planet, my dolls.  
So soft, so empty.

Let's play a game forever.  
You be the father,  
you be the mother,  
you be the sister,  
you be the brother,  
you be the...

Lover.

Let's live happily ever after  
in a place where we don't rot,  
and feelings never die.

Let's live forever in  
this world...you play  
the part I give you.

Play it right,  
or I'll have to destroy you.

Destroy me.

Oh...  
Did I ever tell you?  
How I fell for you?  
So long ago?

Destroy me.

**X**

Do you even know what love is?  
I ask myself the same.

Love me.

I knew for a fact  
we were nothing.

Love me.

But somehow,  
I was content with just that.

I was okay with you  
and your thorn covered romance.  
A twisted game and hide and seek.

Love me.

You  
trap me  
chain me  
mark me  
bruise me  
break me  
take me.

I scream,  
a lovely shade of violet  
tearing through my veins.

Love me.

'_Why is this happening to me?' _  
I used to ask myself.

Night terrors bring you to life,  
even when subtle.

You monster.

I allowed it to go on.  
I allowed your cruelty.

But the day came...  
When I realized...

The dreams you see nightly,  
the ones that seem so normal,  
are only nightmares.

You'll never know the difference.

It has to end,  
this game of tag.

I suppose I'll stop running  
like the coward I am  
and for once let you  
catch me.

**X**


	30. Chapter 30

**Midnight**

There comes a time when even your conscience  
turns on you.

Whispers greet you in the morning.  
Are those my thoughts? People conversing?

The ghosts of my past?

The things they say  
make me doubt my own sanity.

Pressure, like a skyscraper,  
builds up and up until it  
can no longer hold. Eventually,  
it tumbles, only to hurt those  
beneath it.

Sometimes, I want to scream.  
Then go limb, drop dead.

Control, like a rope, being held  
onto so tightly...then you give up.  
Letting go.

No, there are still things  
I need to do.  
Confess.

**X.**

I haven't talked to you since that day.  
Perhaps it's best I left you be.  
_No._

Silence, like a knife, cutting  
through noise and becomes  
unbearably painful.

I watch you, though.  
I hear you speak what little you have to say.  
Your smile no longer uplifts these spirits.

Loneliness, a jail cell. Cold and  
empty, isolation that's inescapable.

And the worst part is,  
you pretend.

"_I don't know," _you'd say.  
Please... Don't act like you don't remember  
us. All of us.

They'd say you don't remember.  
I don't buy it.

I see that look in your eye  
every time you hear my name.

Such sinful, wicked desires.  
It doesn't suit you.

But, in a majestic, sick way...  
It fits just right.

**X**

I see past your pretense.  
I know the real you.  
You can fool the others,  
but not me.

Never me.

Who became the evil one?

All of this pretending...  
So pointless.

What is your goal? You motive?  
I'm waiting for your move.  
This game's coming to an  
end.

Why act like nothing happened?  
Stop brushing us off...  
Remember us.

I can't fly.

Realization, an enemy of mine...  
tells me that maybe this pretending  
is the end's beginning.

"Forget me."

Now, I understand.  
This is your move,  
the end to the game.  
Checkmate.

Sorrow like rain  
washes over you  
saturates you completely.  
And you wonder when it will  
drown you.

**X**

He heals at a quick rate,  
left with nothing but  
scars  
and damage here and  
there.

I leave him alone for a while.

"Haven't you done enough already?"  
They ask.

I've done enough wrong.  
Not enough good.

Why can't I stop hurting you?

**X**

You make me want to hold on forever and ever  
onto a dream that was once falling  
and slipping out of my reach.

**Hold.**

You make me want to outstretch my arms  
and grab onto the closest passion.

Just once  
hold on so tightly, so tightly  
that the bones in my hands start to break.

Just once  
make me fall as hard as possible  
onto the solid concrete.

Just once  
make it shatter into pieces  
shards go flying.

**Reach.**

The clock strikes twelve.  
It is my time.

I sneak into him room.

Midnight calls me.

I open his door slowly,  
like so many times before.

There he is,  
there's that beautiful boy.  
That tragic boy.

His window, wide open.  
Clothing him, an unbuttoned dress shirt  
and dark pants that hugged his perfect, slim legs.

He stands facing me,  
leaning against the window sill.

Oh, the moonlight...  
bathing him, so lovely.

My eyes observe his face,  
then his soft, pale hands and  
legs.

Our eyes meet  
and something makes me  
walk closer.

He takes my hand.  
Pulls me close.  
Sighs in relief.

"This way..."

Kisses me gently.  
Embraces me tightly.

"It can end."

**X**

**X**

**X**

**X**

And in the end,  
there was no definite way of knowing  
who the monster really was, or who was really  
trapped.

There was no telling if that bright-shining star  
was dead or not

Or if the sun was burning to the touch  
or if the moon was frigid to the bone.

The unanswered questions were,  
through their eyes,  
a sort of haven.

Finding answers... would only bring hesitation,  
uncertainty.

They live in love,  
die in love,  
live in deceit,  
die in bliss.

"Oh please, show this child what love is.  
Please give a kiss to his hands you hold."

Nightmares, nightmares.

**Mid-night: **the transition of night and day. Halfway between sunset and sunrise. When one day turns into the next.

_End._

**X**

**And finally, after 30 short, confusing chapters and 7 months of long awaited updates, Midnight Occurrence is complete. I have to say, it is very strange to think back on the day, the moment I posted the first chapter, I was such a different person, with such a different outlook on life. To think, back then during the summer, I was someone else. That is my favorite part of finishing a story: to look back on the beginning and compare it to the end. The end, no matter how sad or how unexpected. **

**I want to thank each and every one of you reading this for all of the support throughout these months. I deeply appreciate every single review, favorite story/author, and story/author alert. Those are the things that kept me going. Without those, I bet the story would be much different than how it is now. So, thank you, all of you. So, so much. **

**I have several new story ideas, so I'll be putting up new stuff soon enough.**

**An additional chapter will be posted containing chapter explanations for those who were/are confused.**


	31. Chapter Explainations & Inspirations

**And now, for the moment we've all been waiting for: chapter explanations. I will now give the brief summary of each chapter, no matter how obvious or blunt the chapter may have been. Many people have been confused, so here I go! **

**Touch **This is the first time the rape occurs, in the middle of the night. Allen is awakened by Lavi, his good friend at the time. Without much warning, Lavi locks the door, and he forces himself on Allen. Allen is frightened by this, because he thought he could trust Lavi, but Lavi even says "You don't know me." And in the midst of it all, Allen finds a twisted pleasure during. After it's over, Lavi says "I love you" because he thinks that maybe this is what love really is. (Unfortunately, he was dead wrong.) Please note that Lavi is a bookman, so he must not have attachments or bonds with anyone, so he would never really know what love is.

**You **From Lavi's point of view, you begin to see the strange obsession that accumulates. He tells himself that he will stop, but we see that it is near impossible for him.

**Control **Allen pretends like nothing is wrong, but inside he is deeply troubled and hurt.

**Need **Lavi isn't pretending, he's acting how he normally does because he thinks he's done nothing wrong, but he gains a guilty pleasure from Allen's turmoil. At the same time, it angers him because he breaks the rules as a bookman for him. Somehow, he gets it in his mind that Allen needs him.

**Again **Allen thinks back on when this all began, and he's growing weaker. He starts to eat less and less. Everyone is worried about him. He thinks that maybe this whole thing is just a dream he will awaken from.

**Fracture **Lavi is having disturbing, mixed feelings. He cares for Allen, but at the same time he's losing his mind. He doesn't know if wants to be loved or not.

**Hold **Allen is assigned a new mission with Lavi, and he finds outs Lavi requested this mission with him.

**Wonder **Allen and Lavi get into an argument. Allen thinks Lavi hates him, but Lavi begs to differ. Lavi is furious that Allen thinks he's being forced into sex, when Allen was enjoying it. Lavi says something hurtful, and Allen leaves.

**Truth **After letting out his anger, Allen goes back only to find Lavi is still awake. They embrace, and Allen accepts it, because he is in love with him even after all he's done. (He had feelings for Lavi before the rape, and he can't let go of those feelings.) The two are seeking different types of love.

**Feel **They get to an Inn, and it's discovered that Lavi bears strong feelings toward Allen.

**Gone **Allen is distressed about Lavi's nightly absences, so he searches for him. He finds Lavi on the roof of the Inn and it's revealed the strong desire he holds for him, but it's killing him inside.

**Forever **Lavi unravels the true Allen within his own mind. He watches him sleeping and decides to show him something.

**Flight** Lavi takes Allen to the roof to show him the sky at night. Allen is truly happy, because all along he wanted love, even if it was for a moment. Lavi shows him "their star". At the end, it is said that humans cannot fly, so we are like dead birds.

**Guard **Allen puts up his defenses, believing that Lavi is only leading him on to think they have something more. He thinks Lavi is acting.

**Angels **Lavi forces himself on Allen again once they arrive at headquarters, but Allen defends himself. Lenalee knocks on the door. Allen tells her what's been going on.

**Always **Lenalee attacks Lavi in rage, only to be stopped by Kanda. Kanda is confused.

**Confess **Kanda commands Allen to tell him what's going on, and scares the boy half to death when Allen starts hallucinating that Kanda is Lavi.

**Open **Lavi realizes the horrors and wrong of what he's done.

**Monster** (My personal favorite chapter name.) Allen is forced to tell Kanda what happened, though it's not shown in the chapter.

**Record **Lavi is wondering where he went wrong.

**Search **Allen is desperate for Lavi. He goes to him, and seduces him. He knows this won't lead to anything good.

**Never **Lavi questions why Allen would come back to him, after everything that happened. Allen responds, saying that he craves the hurt. (Masochistic feelings.) He leaves, saying Lavi should get some help. (But, this was mostly a cover up. Allen only craved Lavi.)

**Secret **Lenalee and Kanda are treating Allen differently. Allen awaits Lavi's next move, and he's losing his mind because of the wait, and the absence of Lavi.

**Cosmos** Lavi watches Allen on the roof, entranced and disturbed at his behavior.

**Reach **Allen is afraid to be with Lavi, because he believes Lavi is too good for him, while he is just pathetic and confused. Allen says, metaphorically, that he'd want to be the moon because the moons only shine's with the sun's light. So, technically speaking, Allen believes he is consumed in darkness, while Lavi is his light.

**Tomorrow **Allen falls off the roof. (No, he didn't jump.)

**Kerosene **Allen's thoughts during mid-fall.

**Requiem **Those who know about the rape think that Lavi pushed Allen. Lavi is relieved to know Allen is alive, and will recover.

**Decay **Allen's going crazy. He makes up his own world in his mind (the "sphere") and pretend to use everyone like dolls, forcing friends and family to act of his liking. It's said that Allen was in love with Lavi long before the rape. Allen was okay with it if Lavi didn't love him back, and he allowed Lavi to do as he pleased with him the whole time. Allen points out that Lavi's dreams are nightmares. Allen makes a decision to let Lavi "catch him" instead of teasingly running around.

**Midnight **Allen pretends to have amnesia. Doing this, Lenalee and Kanda, and everyone else who knows what happened, don't mention at all what occurred in the past. In a way, they try to act like it didn't exist, because there's no use, since Allen wouldn't remember. (And it's not like they would want Allen to remember such horrible things.) But... at the very end, it is revealed that this was Allen's plan. He wanted everyone to pretend like it never happened, in order to protect Lavi. Allen wanted to start a normal relationship with Lavi, but he couldn't do that because of the mistake he made of telling Lenalee and Kanda about the rape. After this chapter, it is assumed that Lavi and Allen begin an affair. No one can do anything about it because they can't split the two up without telling Allen the "truth." Allen did everything for a reason, and it all worked out in the end.

**X**

This story was inspired by the following:

**Monster** by: Meg & Dia

"Monster" was the main song this story was inspired by. Listen to it, unravel it, and see exactly why I felt the need to write my heart out.

**x**

A few lines that really got me going were:

"His little whispers "Love me, love me.  
That's all I ask for, love me, love me.'"

"Wondered what it's like to feel something."

"That night he caged her, bruised and broke her.  
He struggled closer, then he stole her."

"Then, he slowly saw their nightmares were his dreams."

"I'm a glass child, I am Hannah's regret."

"Bathtubs, full of glow flies.  
Bathed in kerosene,  
their words tattooed in his veins."

**x**

In my opinion, I believe the song is about a boy who was abused as a child and locked away from the world. He didn't know much about connections or bonds, and so he grew up without the knowledge of what love was. At the same time, he craved love, care, or some form of comfort. All he wanted was to know how to feel something other than emptiness. When he grew older, he abuses a girl (physically or sexually, I don't know. Both perhaps.), thinking that's what love really was. (This was most likely from childhood experiences. For example, his father may have sexually assaulted his mother, and was told parents are supposed to love each other. This could have confused him.) The girl is the narrator of the song (but it could be the child of the two), asking "Monster, how should I feel?" because she might pity him, but at the same time, despise him. It's also said that the girl ends up falling in love with the man, despite the abuse. It was then when the man "saw their nightmares were his dreams". Hating himself for what he'd done, he commits suicide. (Ex. "Bathed in kerosene".)

The book is said by Meg & Dia themselves that the song was based off of the book East of Eden by: John Steinbeck. I have read the book itself, but there isn't exactly a huge connection between Cathy Ames and the song. I mean, there IS, but it's hard to comprehend and explain. There ARE indeed events in the book that are similar to those in the song.

**X**

Title inspirations include: 

Love Song Requiem by: Trading Yesterday

Dissolve and Decay by: Hawthorne Heights

Reach by: Eyes Set to Kill

Scars by: Papa Roach

Watch Me Bleed by: Scary Kids Scaring Kids

Die Romantic by: Aiden

They'll Never Get Me (Word With You) by: Drop Dead, Gorgeous

Hold by: Superchick

Angels by: Within Temptation

Cosmos by: TATU

Guard and Scythe by: Hatsune Miku

Again by: YUI

(And a bunch of The Birthday Massacre songs from the album "Pins and Needles".)

Precious Wonder, a Elricest doujinshi by Idea.

Record of Memories, a Laven doujinshi by Kain/Scoop.

**X**

I know the story was confusing as hell, and it may seem like each chapter was a different story, but that's because it was. For most of the chapters, I didn't write them for the story. I wrote them in 8th and the beginning on 9th grade, in my journal. Not every poem was supposed to be for this fanfiction, but I put the pieces together and formed something I liked.

Again, I thank you all for reading, and thank you to the ones who took the time to read this author's note.

**Remember to review!**


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